February 11th, 2024 Update: This book is now available on Amazon! You can find it here.
After my last colorectal surgery, I worked to finish the memoir I started about my experience with severe ulcerative colitis and the role creativity played in my journey. I’m happy to share that my memoir is complete and will be released in February 2024.
Inspiration Behind the Memoir
While I had written an account of some of my journey with severe ulcerative colitis in my book Capturing Colitis: Poems and Illustrations on My Life with Ulcerative Colitis, I wanted to focus on something more comprehensive that wasn’t merely a retelling of events. I wanted to highlight the story I found within me that went beyond my scars. Not only did I endure a lot of pain and isolation from the disease, but as I struggled, my creativity flourished. I no longer lived within the confines of perfectionism but embraced compassion for myself and others.
Living with Disease and Embracing Creativity
Staying home and close to the bathroom was often my only option. But my apartment became a haven of creative energy. Music became a big part of my life as I learned to play instruments for the first time. The guitar and the ukulele quickly became favorites. I enjoyed learning about self-publishing and creating books, soaking up all the articles and videos I could. And I loved discovering how much I enjoyed watercolor painting, a medium I hadn’t yet fully explored
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The Writing Process
There was another interesting narrative unfolding in my life as I went through all of this. As I sat down and thought about my journey with this disease, and drafted my outline and first chapters, I knew I had become a different person. But not just because of the physical changes I underwent. I wasn’t the perfectionist I once was or strived to be. It forced me to let go of my idea of “perfect”… perfect health, perfect body, perfect ways to spend my days, and a perfect relationship with my parents. The breakthrough occurred when I realized I had become a more compassionate person who embraced life’s imperfections instead of running and hiding from them.
I couldn’t stop writing. My experiences and memories were coming to me at a rapid pace, and I wrote every day and night. Some moments were difficult to think back to, and in those instances, I gave myself some grace and time to just sit with my story. I would take a break and then return to my writing after I felt I could keep writing honestly and bravely.
Themes Explored
In Bloom in Barren Soil, I explore themes that are personal to me but may resonate with and sound familiar to others. I wrote about the big change in my life when I had to go on disability for my many medical issues and what this meant for how I internalized my sense of self-worth. The medical issues I struggled with before my ulcerative colitis were still present, and I had to juggle a wide variety of symptoms.
Being diagnosed with such a stigmatizing disease made it difficult to talk about it with others. Although I had always been a creative person, my isolation at home prompted new creative pursuits. Between learning new techniques, stepping out of my comfort zone with art and music, and learning to let go of my idea of “perfect”, I became a stronger person. As I navigated the relationships I had with each of my parents, I learned to embrace compassion for not only them but myself, too.
Joy in My Story
As I weaved in distinct memories with each of my parents, I found a lot of joy in my story. Once I sat down to recall moments like bonding with my dad over cinnamon rolls or picking strawberries with my mom, I appreciated how much we have all grown in our relationship. There were tough times with each of my parents over the years, but time was healing old wounds. And the only way to move forward was to keep going.
I felt deep gratitude for the people I met over the years. The caring nurses, close friends, and even friends who became family were a bright spot in my life. There was so much joy I felt as I recalled the experiences I had with each of them. It’s amazing how simple acts can be so meaningful.
Looking Forward
I feel grateful I can share my story and experiences and I think others can find inspiration in my story. I felt it was important to try and take some of the stigma away from colorectal disease by writing about it in this memoir. You, too, can turn your pain into power and your scars into stories. You can start small and find a hobby – anything that you’re interested in. Find those angels that become family throughout your journey. They will encourage you and help keep you going, even when times are tough.
Bloom in Barren Soil: A Memoir of Creativity and Healing will be released in February 2024. It includes colorful images of paintings I created throughout my illness. A foreword by Kim Sockman, one of my angels I met along the way, introduces the book. It will be available in paperback, eBook, audiobook, and large print.
Have you started a hobby during a period of illness or even uncertainty? How has your creative spirit helped you through tough times? Have you ever journaled your experience with a disease? I’d love to hear about it and look forward to connecting with you in the comments.